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Yesterday, the 11-member “Black Crack” Mafia, better known as the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) agreed in Vienna, Austria, to keep daily production quotas steady at 28 million barrels a day. Several of the greedier Black Crack dealers said that if prices kept falling, they would cut production. This pretty means expect oil prices to remain at current levels. Right now it’s around $65 a barrel.

Before I show you pictures of the party err… meeting in Vienna, here are some interesting oil facts you might not have known.

Who are the Black Crack Mafia?

The Black Crack Mafia comprise of the following countries below. They supply 40% of the world’s black crack.

World Supply of Black Crack

Look how much black crack is made in the world every year. That’s a lot of crack.

Source: Energy Information Administration (EIA);


Here are the world’s biggest oil producers, countries who make the most black crack:

Source: Energy Information Administration (EIA);


Here are the world’s biggest black crack dealers or pushers. These are the guys who make and sell black crack in their own countries but have some left over to sell to other countries:

Source: Energy Information Administration (EIA);

Black Crackheads

Check out the world’s biggest black crack junkies, addicts, and crackheads. Notice how the U.S. “smokes” four times as much black crack as the second biggest crackhead.

Source: Energy Information Administration (EIA);

Richest Crackheads

These country crackheads either smoke so much crack that they can’t make enough crack for themselves and have to buy from other crack dealers oooor they aren’t able to make crack and have to basically buy all their crack from others.

Source: Energy Information Administration (EIA);

American Crackheads

Did you notice how the US is third in black crack production, first in black crack consumption, and first in black crack imports. We, Americans may make a lot of crack but we smoke so much, we have to buy everyone elses’ crack.

What do you call a superpower addicted to black crack? A super crackhead of course.


Meet the Black Crack Bosses

Here’s a group pic of the bosses “doing that thing”.


The Kingpin

Here is Edmund Daukoru, the acting Head Boss of the Mafia know to the public as the OPEC group President and Nigeria’s Minister for Petroleum Resources. He is gesturing to you that he is the man and that you are a pawn.


THE Black Crack Dealer

Minister Of Petroleum and Mineral Resources Ali Ibrahim Naimi from Saudi Arabia. The BIGGEST black crack dealer in the world. He is waving bye bye at your next paycheck because he knows it’s going to pay for your gas bill.


The 4th Biggest Crack Dealer

Iran’s Oil Minister Kazem Vaziri-Hamaneh. Boy does he look mean and scary.


Yet Another Crack Dealer

Minister of Energy Mohamed Bin Dhaen Al Hamli from the United Arab Emirates. Don’t be fooled by his funny face. Although, he’s No. 6 on the Dealer list, he still sells a hell of a lot of black crack. His house is made with pure gold. And he dates Jessica Alba.